The holidays are hard on anyone that has suppressed pain. As the holidays approach, so many mixed emotions are brought to the surface. It’s a time when we are reminded of what we have lost; what we want and can’t have; and what means most to us. Heightened senses and heightened emotions lead to heightened sensitivity; therefore, the holidays can be hard to get through. There are a number of stress dynamics at play– in addition to loss and dissatisfaction ranging from financial stress to family stress. Many are just in and out of a bad mood and not really understanding why or even attributing it to the holidays– because to them, the holidays are meant to be a joyous time of the year. My daughter is fifteen, and she struggles through the holidays with mood swings and bouts of depression; however, if you ask her she loves Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Eve – they are her favorite time of year. But because life is not exactly what she would have wanted it to be – her mother and father are married to other people, her father has issues, her mother has issues, and she has suffered great loss; therefore, she has a hard time managing some of her emotions during this time. Because she is fifteen and not as self-aware as she may be later in life, she doesn’t realize exactly why she sometimes has to force a smile or why she may feel angry or struggle through a time when she thinks she should feel joyous. When she is older, she may have enough insight through her mother’s wisdom and good therapy, to know that it’s ok to mourn for things we cannot have or ways we wanted life to be and they are not. It’s okay to feel disappointed even at a time of year when we think we should feel more positive.
The holidays are hard on many. My friend goes home sometimes to her father’s and often calls me and tells me she is feeling down or feeling anxious. Without fail, she doesn’t know why until I remind her that she simply feels that way when she goes home. There is a continuous “let down” of sorts that is taking place each time she visits her family because it is not the way she would like for it to be, and they don’t always treat her the way she would like them to treat her. It’s not rocket science that she will have a reaction when she faces that reality — until she accepts it. Acceptance is an important part of getting through the holidays. Accept that if you are feeling down or angry as the holidays approach, it’s okay and it’s normal. Allow yourself to be grateful for the good things you do have in your life as well as acknowledge the losses you have suffered along the way. Don’t be confused by your feelings and don’t let your feelings run your life. By knowing where they come from and accepting why they are there – you gain control over them instead of letting them control you.