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Writer's pictureJennifer Millar

The Affair


I’ve been watching a new series on Showtime titled, The Affair. I was reluctant to watch it since I’ve seen what affairs can do to relationships and thought I might not be able to stomach the immoral concept behind the show. However, it was a cold Sunday afternoon and I needed to unwind with some mind-numbing television for a short while. I found myself drawn in by one of the female lead characters, Alison. I believe, as adults, we usually are drawn to certain movies or television series because we identify with either the circumstances, or more likely one of the characters. I identified with Alison immediately but didn’t really know why. The actress, Ruth Wilson, does a phenomenal job in this role. I could tell that her character is broken in some way but the show didn’t initially reveal why. She seemed to just have darkness to her as if something horrible happened to her. She tries to seem okay to everyone else, but there’s something behind the mask that is obviously extremely painful for her. What we find out is that her 4-year-old son died and she hasn’t been the same since.

We all have small traumas and heartaches throughout life that change or alter us as human beings. These life events can make us untrusting, reluctant to be open, fearful, reactionary, angry and confused. Some traumas can shatter your existence, such as losing a child. Personally, I have suffered small traumas within my family relationships and within romantic relationships. This was enough to alter my trust for people, my level of anxiety, and my fear of being hurt. Then a much bigger one hit that basically threw me up in the air, shattered me into tiny pieces and threw me back down broken. When something like this happens, you can be changed forever. I have gained more insight into people, life, what’s important and what isn’t. My relationship with God changed as well and sometimes I wondered if God had any hand in the trauma in order to get me closer to Him. Regardless, good things can come from our bad circumstances if you let it.

Unfortunately, trying to rebuild your life from broken pieces isn’t easy. My fear of how other people I let into my life can damage me grew to a whole new level. I became very selective as to who I became close to and who I allowed my heart and soul to rely on. I was able to successfully rebuild my life for myself and for my daughter but it was like trying to glue small pieces of a glass vase back together again and hope it will remain intact.

This is what I see in Alison; this is what I relate to. She has been hit with a hard and gruesome trauma; she seems strong on the outside but you can see that she is very fragile on the inside. She can go along with life and get to her job and fix meals for her husband and spend time with her family, but it is clear that if a strong enough wind comes along, she might not be able to stand strong. She seems to be just one small trauma away from total self-destruction. I no longer feel that way due to many hours of therapy, many hours of prayer and the grace of God. If you are feeling the traumas of your life may lead you to self-destructive behavior or you are already using sex, drugs, alcohol, work, or the lives of your children to avoid the pain from your personal traumas in life, let me help provide some overdue healing. We all deserve peace in our lives and I want to help you get there.


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